Self Care & Relationships

Illustrated Love Quote by 3LambsGraphics

Welcome to the first section of the self care series! We'll start off by looking out for ourselves in relationships. 

Relationships. We all know that the people around us reflect who we are and how we see ourselves. A family that plays together stays together. A team that fights for a common goal wins. A great boss makes for a happy worker.

Relationships are important to self care because relationships make or break a person’s spirit. The relationships in your life should build you up and give you strength- not wear you down (or steal sleep)! If a relationship is causing you stress, trauma or harm, you need to rethink if it’s really worth it.

Check out Craig Harper’s post which puts difficult relationships into two categories, those worth fixing and those that need forgetting. It’s applicable to all relationships: friends, colleagues, family, neighbours, door-to-door salesman…

Now, I want you to think about any current relationships that might fit Craig’s boxes. Are there any issues you need to confront? Sins you need to forgive? Sorry’s you need to say? Any relationships that feel too much like work? Are you being mistreated?

Consider if you really value that relationship above your own integrity and respect. I’m not suggesting you dump all your friends for not returning a stained t-shirt. However, if you find yourself regularly complaining about a relationship, you have three choices:

• The relationship changes
• The relationship ends
• You change (and if so, stop complaining)

I thank my lucky stars that I have never been in a romantic relationship where I have been mistreated. However, I have most certainly allowed friends to mistreat me. A few years ago, I asked myself the questions that Craig asked in his post and decided to end some unhealthy friendships.

It’s important for me to tell you that these friendships were not always unhealthy. In fact, there was a time they were supportive, encouraging and genuine. One thing that helped me to end those unhealthy friendships was acknowledging that the relationships generally exist for one of three things:

• a reason
• a season
• a lifetime

and that those relationships had run their course.

Some relationships will surprise you.

Some people will grow on you.

Some connections won’t last.

Some will.

Some relationships have a best before date.

Some have an expiry date.

Some last forever.

Do yourself a favour and evaluate your current relationships. Forget the guilt about not having enough time to call. Write a “pro and con” list. Think about how the relationships make you feel. You will probably find there are some relationships you are willing to let go of. Chances are you’ll also find yourself grateful for some of the healthy relationships in your life.

The important thing is to surround yourself with people that give you strength and to give strength to others. If you’re with a friend and look at the clock, only to wonder how on earth it got so late, you’re on the right track. 

I'll be back in a week with the second part of the Self Care Series, talking about creating the right environment around you. 

Kate xxx